November 26 , 2006
“When you die, if you get a choice between going to regular heaven or pie heaven, choose pie heaven. It might be a trick, but if it's not, mmmmmmmm, boy.” –
Jack Handy
THERE ARE FEW THINGS BETTER in life than a Village Inn Pie. Over the years I’ve eaten at Village Inn circa 50 times, and have never been disappointed in the quality of their pies. Which for me is a must every meal at VI. Now that ain’t to say it’s all rosy at VI; I’ve had really bad service at some and good service at others. But what really ticks me off is that I’ve been told by a night manager that I can’t get a tuna sangie after 11:45 pm cuz,”It’s not on the menu.” Even tho you and I both know they didn’t throw it out at 11:45 pm, nor did it go bad at 11:45 pm, nor does it require a change in grill operations to make it after 11:45 pm. But this manager was bound and determined to piss me off. And he did.
Nevertheless, it wasn’t til the “Pie Episode” did I get really mad. And every day I get madder and madder and so now its time to tell you about it.
As most of you are aware, last August I attended the First National Hamburger Festival in Akron, Ohio. It was a terrific event, altho I have not set pen and ink to paper to tell about it yet, but that’s forthcoming.
A few days before the event I drove up to visit an old friend who lives in Milan, Michigan, just south of Detroit. His wife was hiding out of town to avoid me (she denies it but I can tell) so we were on our own for several days exploring the sights of Southeastern Michigan that had changed in the almost 40 years since I had been there last.
Hill (short for The Hillbilly) had planned a large steak dinner out on the town one nite, so we opted for a light lunch in Dundee, a tiny town just a few minutes from nowhere. A humongous Cabela’s opened there some years ago, and brought it with a maze of shops, hotels and restaurants. Other than the shopping mall and nearby service businesses, there ain’t a whole lot to Dundee.
So here we are looking for a light lunch when we spot a Bakers Square Restaurant (www.bakerssquare.com) that must have just opened (cuz it ain’t on Bakers Square website even today). I was familiar with Bakers Square, altho I had never eaten in one. Until a few years ago all the pies at Village Inn were baked by Bakers Square, an independent company. Today both companies are owned and operated by Vicorp Restaurants Inc., based right h’yar in Denver, Colorado, USA. Bakers Square Restaurants are located in the Midwest and California.
We looked at the menu and decided on just a slice of pie, cuz of our impending Big Steak Dinner. I cudda gone for something more substantial but I wasn’t the host. I choose plain old Apple pie, and Don (that’s Hill’s real name) went for something like chocolate peanut butter cup pie. Both of us were delighted with our pies, but then I studied the menu a bit more and saw French Apple Cream Cheese Pie. Hmmmm. I do luv French Apple and I do luv cheesecake. Yeah. Try it. For dessert. Yo! It was unbelievable! A simple dish, really. French apple pie on top, a cream cheesecake like layer on the bottom. So good in fact that I am writing about it six months later. No way to take a whole pie with me. I’m off to Akron for four days and flying back to Denver. Besides, this is Village Inn’s sister company and soes I can just get one when I get back to Denver, right? Wrong. Not from those uncooperative folks at Vicorp.
So now it’s a week later, I’ve eaten my way thru 28 buggers in Akron, devoured scoops of house made ice cream at Mary Coyles Ice Cream Parlour, and am back in Colorado hankering for some French Apple Cream Cheese Pie (FACCP). I call my local Village Inn store. “Sorry, we (Village Inn) don’t offer that pie.” Hmmm, wonder why. So I send an email to customer service at Vicorp. I explain the whole story and ask how do I get a pie?
The first response from (to protect the innocent) a fella named JD thanked me for writing and sed they don’t carry them because they tried it a few years ago and they didn’t sell well, so they no longer offer them thru Village Inn. Ok, I understand that, different markets offer different products. What sells in Dundee may not sell worth a damn in Colorado. I’m cool.
So, JD, old buddy, how do I order a pie or a box of pies (usually sold 4 count)? Well, James gets a bit testy. “We don’t ship pies. They are too delicate and/or perishable for that. Sorry.”
Well, this doesn’t get me to drop the quest. What does he mean they don’t ship pies? How do they get to the stores all over the United States? I call the press/media relations department in my official capacity as a journalist (no laffing, please) and am transferred to a lady in marketing who is too busy to talk to me but her assistant calls me back. I go thru the whole thing with the assistant and then I ask her how the stores get the pies. I know that they are shipped frozen cuz I’ve bought whole pies here and they came frozen. I also ask how can I order Bakers Square Pies like the FACCP? Well, she sez, she knows that there are central plants around the country that make and ship all the pies but she would have to get back to me on the details.
That was late August. A few weeks ago I called the same assistant, told her who I was again, and repeated my request. I am still waiting.
Meanwhile, one of my sons, Secundo, was in San Jose, California a few weeks back, a city where they have three Bakers Square Restaurants. Brought me back an FACCP, altho he did insist on sharing the pie, which I was only too glad to do. And it were maaavelous
Since August I’ve visited five Village Inns in metro Denver and spoke to a manager or an assistant manager in all five stores. Three of them tell me that they are not particularly happy with the selection of pies, and that they would like to see introduction of new and different flavors. They don’t get complaints about the pies themselves, but they do about selection cuz so many people are “regulars”.
Last spring VI brought out a Belgian chocolate truffle something or other that most chocoholics would kill for. I personally bought (and ate) five whole pies. But then they were gone. So. Why can’t anyone tell me why I can’t get what I want? Any plausible reason will do, other than a lie. And why can’t I get a tuna sangie after 11:45 pm. And why won’t anyone return my calls?
Cya.
In his real life Jay Fox is a CPA. He offers all kinds of good tax planning advice, financial calculators and the latest in tax news at his website: www.jayfoxcpa.com. He just writes this column for the money.