October 5 , 2006
Everything you see I owe to spaghetti.” – Sophia Loren
For a number of years I wrote an annual rebuttal to the “Best of Westword”, that annual event that everyone in Denver awaits. I gave up several years ago. The dining list alone was darn near into the hundreds of categories and I spent way too much time just trying to read them much less write about them. It’s a horrific job for the staff at Westword and the seven people that read my column really didn’t care. I did it for the fun of it.
Now I have a new challenge. One of the seven readers is muh old friend, John Lehndorff, the paid belly of the Rocky Mountain News, who is now publishing his annual “Best Of” or “Top of the Rocky” as they call it currently. His list is only about 70 categories, much more manageable than Westword’s. He has thrown down the gauntlet. He has almost dared me. He has scoffed at my failure to rebut his list. He has offended me. So now I respond. You should note that he does not have a “Best Real Bugger” category. The coward.
I’m not crazy enuf to rebut all 70, nor am I silly enuf to disagree with lots of them. I will however, note in several of what I consider “significant categories”, either a selection of my own, or acquiescence. Shall we get started? Feel free to agree with one of us or disagree with both. You can email me at the address below or keep your silly opinions to yourself. Remember we is professionals.
Best Chef – Scott Parker – Table 6 (609 Corona St, 303/831-5500)
Scott Parker is so creative and so talented it’s hard to find an iota of error in his preparation. What he and his staff turn out in that tiny kitchen is unbelievable. I go a half hour early just to have a coupla of munchies without the rest of my party sharing. The food is some of the most creative I’ve ever had anywhere. The menu changes frequently. The wait staff is extremely knowledgeable.
New Restaurant – Tula Modern Mexican – 250 Josephine St, 3/377-3488 I agree with Lehndorff. It was a tuff call between that and Steuben’s (523 E 17th Ave, 303/830-1001), but Steuben’s is still having inconsistencies coming out of the kitchen. The food at Tula is creative and unusual. G and I were extremely pleased and Impressed with the ambiance, food and service. Chef Douglas went so far as to prepare a special salsa and guacamole for G without cilantro cuz of her allergies. Our server made good recommendations from the extensive menu.
Dinner To Impress Visitors – Lehndorff selected The Fort. Bah humbug. What? Overpriced, bad food and bad service in a run-down building with a lovely view? Sounds just like the place I want to bring visitors. The Fort has sucked for years and everyone knows it. Everyone except Lehndorff. Yeah, take ‘em out there and sit on the deck and look at the view, but God forbid you should eat there. Bring a box of dark chocolate Milky Ways. Then you can drive back into town after dusk and catch the show at Casa Bonita. You still got some Milky Ways left for dinner. The way to impress visitors is to drive up to a nice mountain restaurant of which there are dozens in Vail, Breckenridge, or some other nearby mountain town. Or take ‘em to someplace on this list.
Power Lunch – Capital Grille (1450 Larimer St, 303/539-2500) I agree with John.
I don’t think there is a better steak in town or better service. The luncheon rib eye is kickass. The service is always professional, never condescending. Michael Floorwax, the Official Mashed Potato Expert (OMPE) sez these are The Best. Hell with the potatoes, I just want the rolls. They offer complementary valet parking at lunch and dinner. Just pass on the overly onioned bugger. The coconut cream pie is 2-die-4.
Buffet – All You Can Eat – Cinzetti’s Italian Market – 281 W 104th Ave, 303/451-7300
I concur with John. I don’t know how this place can serve as many quality dishes for as little money as they do. Sure, it ain’t the best Italian in town. But most of the dishes are good and some are very good. I’ve never been able to even think about dessert cuz I overdose on all the other stuff. It’s a huge building with food everywhere. Service is generally quick and efficient.
BBQ Ribs – Brother’s BBQ – all over town. Lehndorff picked Tennessee Hickory Smoked BBQ, but I disagree. I’ve not been happy with Brother’s since they’ve expanded all over town. There must be a dozen of the suckas by now. But if I go to either of the two original stores: Monaco and Leetsdale or 6th and Washington, I still get the best ribs in town. Some of the other stuff ain’t so good any more and some of the new stores, particularly the one up north (the web site insisted on me loading flash something or other and I ain’t about to, so I couldn’t get the address) which I have had several really bad calls on. But Anywho, for just the ribs they’re still numero uno.
Top Fast Food Bugger – What’s with this attraction to Grandpa’s Bugger Haven? It’s nothing but a BK Whopper cooked on a grill. The readers at the Rocky at least picked Good Times. My fav QSR bugger? Jack-In-The-Box. Hey so what if there aren’t any in Colorado? They’re in California. And when they were here across from my office I’d go in at 6:30 am and get a couple of ‘em cooked rare on a nice toasted bun. Yo!
Gourmet Quick Casual Burger – Cheeburger Cheeburger – 11290 S Twenty Mile Rd, Parker, 303/840-3839
I agree wholeheartedly. In fact here’s a cut and paste: “Why it's tops: This righteous burger consists of fresh Angus beef hand-formed into a big, crumbly patty cooked on a flat grill and tucked in a first-class custom-baked, toasted chewy Kaiser bun” They’ll cook ‘em medium, not as rare as John and I like, but they cook a real medium: hot pink center. The soft egg Kaiser bun was as good as any in town.
Philly Steak Sangie – Boooo. John picked Taste of Philly. That’s cuz he ain’t been to South Philly Steaks – 3 locations but the original is east of I-25 about a half mile in the Conoco Station on the southwest corner. Don’t ask. Tel is 303/662-0142. Gerry Topper came here from Philadelphia with a mission. He doesn’t know it but he really did. To sell the best damn Philly cheese steaks sangies in Colorado. They are unbelievable. But so is all his grub. He makes an Italian sausage sangie that will blow your mind. With mayo. Just try it. Check out their funky website. www.toppersbazaar.com and click on the link for the restaurants.
Hot Dogs – Costco. All over town. All over America. The quarter pound Hebrew National frank. That’s cuz no one in town sells a real New York dog with natural casing cooked on a flat grill. The closest was Nathan’s in Pueblo but they sank years ago. There are Sabrett pushcarts all over town and they’re decent if they don’t sit in the water too long or get too cold. But Costco does the trick. As for Lehndorff’s Steve’s Snappin’ Dogs (3525 E Colfax Ave, 303/912-6515), I stick my tongue in your face. Ugh. The guy starts with a decent dog and what does he do? Slits the damn thing down the middle and grills it with a press on it. Whatever flavor there was went down the grill’s drain. Now G loves the place. Cuz she gets some weird dog with all the trimmings, and y’all know what I think of that. Hey, it’s just as bad as the dude who does the same with a bugger. KEEP THE DAMN SPATULA OFF THAT BUGGER! DO NOT PUT A COVER ON TOP OF THE BUGGER! Do you think they’ll ever get the message? Steve’s does a nice bugger. Better than the crummy dog.
Pancakes – Original Pancake House (5900 S. University Blvd, 303/795-0573. Two other metro locations. Lehndorff and I (finally!) agree again. Ain’t nobody does it better than the OPH. They’re all over America. Even Burt agrees. They’re big in Chicago.
Donut Shop – King Stoopers – Lehndorff picked Walton Donuts (6603 Leetsdale Dr, 303/320-0061), Sorry, Charlie, but they ain’t. Yes, they were nice and light. And when I got there at closing (1 pm) they had a decent selection. But donuts are measured not by their lightness, but by how they taste. And you know, I buy donuts all over town. Cuz every month or so I have to bring a box or two to Dr Kent and his crew or I’ll be in great pain when SWMBO cleans my teeth. And if I don’t bring chocolate I have to have my teeth polished. Polished? I abhor having my teeth polished. There is no one in this town that does chocolate as well as King Stoopers. Sorry Lamar’s but that’s just the way it is.
Let’s just end this on that sweet note.
Cya.
In his real life Jay Fox is a CPA. He offers all kinds of good tax planning advice, financial calculators and the latest in tax news at his website: www.jayfoxcpa.com. He just writes this column for the money.