SO LONG, IT’S BEEN (NOT) GOOD TO KNOWYA.

August 16, 2005

Thought for the Day - Do stale donuts have fewer calories than fresh donuts? I would think something has to disappear along with the flavor and freshness.

   A BAD MEAL DESERVES WHAT IT GETS.  A year ago this Tuesday, Rocky Mountain News paid belly John Lehndorff and I had lunch at Josephina’s (1433 Larimer St). After dining on margherita pizza (tomatoes ok, no flavor otherwise), sausages and peppers (the sausage had been cooked for forty days and forty nites), veal marsala (eh, the veal was overdone but not terrible), papardelle with chicken and artichokes (the chicken was cooked longer than the sausage, and the volume of artichokes outnumbered the chicken 18 to1), vanilla bean gelato (it had crystallized and tasted like cardboard), and triple chocolate cake (the mousse was good, the alleged white chocolate was absent without permission and the cake itself dryer than the Sahara Desert). At high noon we were the only customers in the back room. Oh, did I mention the lovely W? She was quite lovely and quite lousy. John left a tip; I wouldn’t have. Oh yeah. I would have, like we usta do in college. Didn’t you guys ever do that? When the service was really bad, as it usually was at most college eateries, we filled a dinner plate with ketchup and left a dime in the center. That way the W would get her hands dirty to get the dime. Today you’d probably have to leave at least a quarter.

John looked at me as we left, with a pained expression on his face, and asked, “Is that the worst restaurant meal you’ve ever had?” I replied that surely in my long lifetime I’d had worse, but offhand I couldn’t think of one. He wrote a review and gave then a D. I can’t believe he was that generous.

Several months ago the maaavelous Rioja (1431 Larimer St, 303/820-2282; www.riojadenver.com) took over the south side of Josephina’s space. Last week Josephina’s announced they were closing the restaurant forever. Good riddance.

Vita lunga, Rioja!

Speaking of good riddance, a while back Chris Farnum, the wine dude at Adega, Table 6 and Mirepoix left town to become director of operations for Chicago-area units of Chipotle Mexican Grill. I won’t take the time to tell you how much I dislike Chipotle, but I really dislike Chipotle and so good luck, Chris.

Since then the there have been problems with all three. Table 6 had a problem with the liquor license. That ultimately got resolved but with great cost to the owners. The Adega folks were managing Mirepoix, the restaurant at Cherry Creek’s JW Marriott. That arrangement terminated at the end of the year’s contract, with opening sous chef Thomas Baranoucky becoming executive chef. While many accolades were given to Mirepoix, I thought the food over-priced and overly classy for this hotel’s dining. This is not the Ritz Carleton and I think folks wanted something unusual, like bacon and eggs for breakfast and a reasonably priced club sangie or a bugger for lunch. I think if the hotel had a café along with Mirepoix, it might do well. And besides, there are too many other good places to dine within yards of the hotel and literally dozens within walking distance, many at significantly lower prices for a meal. I love the room and the menu. Just move it downtown. Or to the tech center. Or to San Francisco.

And finally, this week Adega announced it would close forever. This after coming to town three years ago and knocking the socks off the gourmet dining crowd, all except me of course. I thought the food was very expensive for very smallish portions. Smallish? I had to carry some dark chocolate Milky Way candy bars with me to eat between courses, and then headed for Panera Bread for a tuna sangie to tide me over ‘til I got home for my dish of ice cream. Se la vie. Cya lata, alligata.

   HOW DUMB DO THEY THINK WE ARE? I know the restaurant industry is hurting for qualified workers in all areas: managers, cooks, and front-of-the-house staff. Some have told me, “If they can breath, I’ll hire them”. But too often it gets ridiculous. I’ll tell you two sad stories. I’ll not tell you the names of the eateries soes I can protect the innocent. Hmmm. Well, to protect the reputation of two otherwise good eateries.

First, my good friend Michael Floorwax and I had lunch at a popular sangie shop. Wax is, as many people are, extremely allergic to MSG (monosodium glutamate). I ordered the sangies for both of us, but first I asked the counter person, who asserted he was a manager, about the content of MSG in the meats. He promptly responded that there was no MSG in any of the meats. I glanced down at the ham in the display case, and perused the ingredients. Good product, Boar’s Head.  Not the best, but ok. Oops. There it was: monosodium glutamate) Duh? So, I sed to Dodo (a name I choose to use to indicate my fondness for this person), “But the ham label sez there’s MSG in it. Or am I not reading the label correctly?” To which Dodo replied, every so matter-of-factly, “Gee, I guess it does. I didn’t know that.”

As for the other incident, this has to be the height of idiocy, the supreme moment all columnists pray for, the epitome of stupidity. The cry of the Millennium.

Mr. Blue and I stopped in at gelato parlour for a bit of sweetness after a modest lunch in which I consumed few calories, carbohydrates, and fat. Got that Dr. Stan? We were looking at the case and deciding on which of these low carb/calories desserts we were going to taste, the counter person was talking to another customer describing gelato and comparing it to ice cream. “Gelato is about 5% butterfat while traditional ice cream is 95% butter fat”. I went just a teenie weenie off.

Quietly, to myself, OH MY GOD!!! Who is this idiot speaking? But wait! There was more to come. “A cup of our gelato is about 150 calories while a cup of Häägen-Dazs is about 1,200 calories” Aaaaaaaaagh.

I was calm. I didn’t scream. I was calm. Almost. Softly I asked. “Uhhhhh, who told you those facts?” She replied, “My boss told me.”

“Tell your boss he’s an idiot. Those are absolutely, unequivocally wrong. They are incorrect. As in not even close to correct.” And so I, somewhat calmly, too afraid to laugh, too shocked to cry, told all that would listen the facts. And now I will tell you.

Ice cream and gelato generally have about the same calories and carbs. Gelato has a lot less milk fat than ice cream, about 5% to ice cream’s 10 – 16%. Gelato has between one half and one fourth as much air (overrun) as ice cream does. Gelato is made with about 90% milk and 10% cream, where ice cream is made with about 50/50 milk and cream. Gelato will have a smoother, silkier consistency and taste, although you will also find that in the best super premium ice creams. Gelato in this country is more expensive than ice cream because of what some perceive as a healthier product, and because it isn’t in high production as the commercial ice creams. I luv it all. Of course I limit my consumption to about a cup every other week. Give or take.

I left crying. Mr. Blue was laffing his ass off.

   Cya.   

NMMNG Jay Fox’s column can be viewed at his web site, www.jayfoxcpa.com, along with the past two plus year’s of dining columns. You will also find all kinds of good tax planning advice, financial calculators and the latest in tax news. In his real life Jay is a CPA. He just writes this column for the money .