BUBBLING PIE AIN'T GOOD FOR YA

"Life, within doors, has few pleasanter prospects than a neatly arranged and well-provisioned breakfast table." - Nathaniel Hawthorne

August 22, 2004

THERE ARE FEW THINGS WORSE THAN PAIN while having a meal. To endure it once is bad enuf; to endure it twice at the same restaurant is unforgiving. So it is with deep regret that I will probably never go into a Dewey's American Grill again. I say never because I mostly enjoyed the experience and the food and service were good. There are two of these sports-bars (5151 S. Federal Blvd, 303/795-2450 and 52 W. Springer Dr, 720/348-0101) owned by Bob Knoll. Let me tellya a story.

Dapper Dan and I had lunch at the South Federal store. We both had buggers served medium rare as requested. The fries were good, and they do serve NMMNG's fav drink, Diet Pepsi. We sat in the bar cuz I like sitting on the high stools so my long legs can drag and I can watch the action. The bartender/waitron was very good, friendly and efficient. But then danger struck.

We ordered the homemade Country Skillet Apple Crisp. Doesn't that sound good? Out came, on what you and I would know to be a fajita plate, with a sizzling pile of goop. The goop had a pile of white stuff floating across the top. Hmmm. What was this strange phenomenon? It was our dessert!

The W explained that the white stuff was ice cream. And below that was goop, aka apple crisp. Sizzling. Like one of them sizzling steaks that I can't stand cuz if you take a bite within the first 47 minutes, you'll scald yourself. And why would ice cream be a white pile of stuff? Cuz it probably sat five seconds before it melted, as one would expect ice cream to do when sitting on a boiling caldron of anything.

We sent back for a dish for something not quite that hot, something with real ice cream still sitting on top when it arrived at the table. Out came another dish of boiling bubbling stuff, but this time it had real ice cream on top. We ate the ice cream and after a while attempted the apple crisp part, but it was still so hot that we couldn't really tell whether or not it was any good. And there was nothing to give it the "crisp", No cereal, no anything other than apple and slurry that one would expect to find in a crisp.

About that time a gentleman who appeared to be a manager, passed by our table so I commented to him that it didn't seem that this dish should be scalding hot. He gave me the "duh" look and kept on walking. Turns out he's the owner. Now I'm really impressed.

D.D. sez that he thinks the other store at Highlands Ranch doesn't serve the apple crisp in a bubbling caldron but rather in just a dish, so we scheduled lunch at that store for a few weeks down the road to see how they compared.

Well, without all the gory details, the Highlands Ranch store serves the same dish the same way, in a scalding bubbling fajita dish. The room isn't as classy as the Federal store, but the menu was the same, the food was the same, altho our buggers were over cooked and both came medium well rather than the rare we ordered. The service, other than dealing with "the" dish, was very good. But I learned where the term "crisp" came from. If you were in that dish as hot as it was for as long as it was, you'd be crisp too!

But this time the dish comes out with ice cream on top, as you would expect, and there is a teaspoon sitting in the ice cream. But the dish is still bubbling. So ok, I'll let the dish with the apple stuff settle down, and we'll have some ice cream. I take the spoon that is sitting atop the ice cream, not in the apple part. You're getting all this, right? I take some ice cream and put it in my mouth. Bad, bad. The damn spoon was hotter than Hell and I burnt the @#$%^&^&%#$ my face off! Now I'm pissed.

I go back to my office to calm down. I call the restaurant. I talk to the general manager, Shannon McComcik. I calmly explain what happened, and ask why they serve this dish in the manner that they do. Well, he explained, that's the way they've always done it, and have never had any complaints. Further, he sez, the spoon should not have been atop the ice cream but separate from the plate altogether and the bad W should have known better. BUT WHY WAS THE DAMN THING SERVED SCALDING HOT IN THE FIRST PLACE? I calmly asked. Well, he would talk to the owner when they met later that day and he would call me back. Yeah, I am still waiting for that call. Then he told me that it was kinda moot cuz they were taking that dish off the menu and would be replacing it with bread pudding. Isn't that nice?

Dan and I figured OK, one more time, three time's the charm, all that. Besides, we really like the place. So back to the Federal store for something other than a bugger and the new bread pudding dish. Cuz all their desserts are homemade. Someone's home anyway. Gotta be better than the apple crisp.

I had a country club sangie with lots of good, fresh meat but with little or no mayo so it was dry, dry. It came on very old bread that had been toasted about 15 minutes before it was delivered to our table. The fries were good. Dan had the new Eye-Talian sausage sangie and pronounced it excellent. He was so impressed with the sausage that he asked our W to find out where it came from. But then it was time for dessert.

We ordered the bread pudding. Well, technically it was apple bread pudding. Cuz out came the same damn bubbling sizzling scalding dish with the same damn bubbling sizzling scalding ice cream over something to hot to even look at. They may have changed the name and put some bread stuff in the dish, but I wasn't going to let that damn thing near my gorgeous body! But my friend D.D. isn't that bright. This time the spoon came on the side, never having touched the dish. But, like your typical eight-year old that has to know about everything, Dan took his finger and touched the side of the bubbling sizzling dish. Yes, he touched the dish. And burnt the crap out of his finger. Alas, we can only hope.

BUBBLE AND SQUEAK

A Mediterranean American eatery, Sparrow, is going to be the 88th restaurant to open at 410 East 7th Avenue. Something about that spot that keeps customers away. The new eatery will be dinner only five days a week. I guess they don't need the business if they only have to serve five out of the 21 meals a week that people eat. The good new is that. Among the dishes with elegant-sounding names, they do have Angus Beef buggers on their menu. Check 'em out at www.sparrowdenver.com. The executive chef (Joshua Botsford) comes with incredible credentials and the menu looks exciting, so let's give 'em a chance and have a bugger and a healthy salad… Speaking of Angus Beef, Burger King is now serving them. Wow! Good Times is serving Coleman Beef. Are you impressed? I guess McDonald's is gonna have to go with Prime New York strips ground up and served with lettuce, cheese, special sauce on a sesame seed bun. But I doubt they'll cook 'em rare. I guess the Angus name just went into the crapper.

Cya.