SOME THINGS JUST PISS ME OFF

"A gourmet who thinks of calories is like a tart who looks at her watch." - James Beard

August 12, 2004

WHAT IS WITH THESE OUT OF TOWN chains? They come here with their own out of town PR people who don't have a clue about dining in Colorado, and apparently aren't interested in finding out our likes, dislikes, customs, and our local jargon.

I'm bitching about Ted's Montana Grill. Yeah, I luv the place. I really do. I'm not sure why, cuz the prices are high and the portions are small. But they apparently have that "holier than thou" attitude. Why can't they come to Colorado and do anything Colorado style? Following is an e-mail I sent their PR department just a short while ago. I've since done a little editing for your benefit. I was nice.

"You call this (the location of the new Lakewood store at Belmar) Denver - Lakewood, but it isn't Denver, IT IS LAKEWOOD. They're not the same city. They're not even in the same county. And your web site is outta date cuz there ain't no address or tele numbers. You could have listed the address and the tele number of the store several months ago cuz you probably had it, but here it is open for business and nothing.

Your staff tells us that you serve Edy's Ice Cream but in Colorado the name is Dreyer's; Edy's is east of Colorado. Same company, different labels. But who cares? We happen to be proud of the Dreyer's name here and most folks never heard of Edy's. But why should you care? You might sell a few more scoops, that's why.

Your menu lists a Kansas City strip steak. But it's not. It's a New York strip. There ain't no bone in a New York strip, but there is one in a Kansas City strip. Same steak, bone, no bone. Your steaks are boneless. Awe, who will notice? You refer to a Delmonico steak but that's a New York term for what we in the West call a rib-eye steak. Wouldn't matter would it? Nope.

All this is because you are an Atlanta PR firm and that's nice but you don't know diddlysquat about Colorado and apparently don't care to take the time to find out. If you continue to have this attitude wherever you go, sooner or later you are gonna really piss off the local media. Like me." Ain't I just the nicest fella you'd ever want to meet?

THEN THERE'S THE 5280 HA HA'S. A while back, while I was trying to earn a living instead of writing this column. 5280 Magazine came out with some dining awards. Duh? Were some of these off the wall or what? Yeah, OK. I agreed with several, but not many. And some I don't care about one way or the other. Now let's try and piss off some readers. Luke's A Steak Place (4990 Kipling St, 303/422-3300). I don't even need to look up the address or the tele cuz I know them by heart. I luv the place. I send thousands to their door. It's probably my favorite restaurant in town. But the best steakhouse, in today's market with all the nation's best competing for your dining dollar? I don't think so. Top steakhouse means super high-end stuff. We're not talking best value in steaks, we're talking Katy Bar the Door Price is NO Object. Fancy Schmancy. You know that I've written more raves about Luke's than any other eatery in town, but I disagree with what 5280 sed.

Bistro Vendome (1424 Larimer St, 303/825-3232, www.bistrovendome.com) is a nice place. And the food is good. But The Best in town? Not hardly. Not by a long shot. Against the likes of Frank Bonanno (probably the best), Kevin Taylor, Jennifer Jasinski? Maybe in the Top 20. And they serve that damn foo foo coffee that'll burn your insides.

Mao Restaurant (201 Columbine St, 303/377-5350) as the Best new restaurant? Gag me folks. Sure its good, but the Best New Restaurant? I don't think so. It was hot for a while, but then it settled in as a good eatery.

And what's with all the Boulder crap? I mean 5280 had a half dozen best of in the People's Republic of Boulder. You know that place, the only city in America where you can have sex with your partner in the restaurant, but you can't smoke afterwards. And if you get mad at him (or her), you can carry an Uzi in and blow the sucker's brains out, but if you want to be a cannibal and eat the body, you gotta cook it to 165 degrees first.

Best wait-staff: Flagstaff House (1138 Flagstaff Drive, 303/442-4640, www.flagstaffhouse.com). Bite Me. Sure they're good. I'll put up Mizuna or Luca d'Italia's staff against any of 'em. Does the staff at 5280 live in Boulder now? I take John Lehndorff, the Rocky Mountain News's paid belly, to task about the Boulder thing, but I know that's cuz he spent the first 47,003 years of his life writing for the Boulder Camera. And he's my friend. But he doesn't give out Best Of 's when it isn't deserved. Sure, we can all differ on the best of anything. But some of these are really off the wall. Now on to someone else that pisses me off. Oops, not enuf room. Will save that choice piece for next week. In case I forget…but that's hush hush. Shhh. Code word: Dewey's

This off the Lehndorff wire: For restaurant dining, men, women agree on burgers, fries. Burgers and fries are the most frequently ordered foods, according to a survey on eating habits from NPD Group. Hamburgers account for 17% of restaurant orders placed by men, 13% for women, and fries account for 14% of orders placed by women and men, respectively. The survey found men prefer dining out more often than women do, but women largely control the restaurant choice. Overall, Americans spend $440 billion in restaurants each year, according to the National Restaurant Association

BUBBLE AND SQUEAK
Some great meals recently: Been to Kona Grill (3000 East 1 Ave, 720/974-1300, www.konagrill.com) twice, and while it's not all smooth sailing at this new Arizona chain, the food is surprisingly good and the service is first rate. Had the Big Kahuna Bugger twice - it's a 14-ouncer - and was pleasantly surprised. The calamari is the best in town and the potstickers are 2-die-4. It's located in Roy's Cherry Creek space across from California Pizza Kitchen at the valet parking entrance at Cherry Creek Shopping Center. Just don't park in Safeway's lot. A new Johnny Rockets opened at Lakewood's new Belmar Center (damn, is that place great or what?) It's smack next to the new Century movie theater right thar on South Teller St, but you just drive around and you'll find it. And you're gonna find a new Ted's Montana Grill, oh, but you already knew that. Unless you didn't read the opening of this column. Really, I do love the place. And Johnny Rockets makes a lousy (well-done only) bugger, but a great tuna sangie. And a yummy chocolate malt, thin just like me if you ask.

Cya.