REPAST WITH THE REPUBS

"One of the signs of Napoleon's greatness is the fact that he once had a publisher shot." Sigfried Unseld

May 19, 2004

BOSS JODY SEZ it's time for the state conventions of both the Democrats and the Republicans, and with so many burning issues, I thought I'd propose a menu for each party for a dinner for the nite before. One might even refer to it as the Last Supper. But first, I've been saving some really bad jokes for just such a moment. Y'all know what a Democrat is? Someone who believes you don't have to fool the people all the time, just during the election campaigns. And a Republican? Someone who can give you his complete attention without hearing a word you say. Democrats are like an iceberg: ten percent visible, ninety percent submerged, and one hundred percent all at sea. Republicans, on the other hand, work up their gums at election time and gum up the works forever after. Now let's eat:

I hope none of you get too full over this magnificent meal, cuz you do have lots of serious work to do tomorrow.

ANYONE CHEAPER THAN A LEGISLATOR? When the call came in from the waitress at a Capitol Hill eatery, complaining about how cheap legislators were, leastways when it came to tipping, the staff went to endless bounds to get the facts. We spent weeks (almost 1/47003 of a week) interviewing legislators, restaurant owners, waitrons, marines, disk jockeys, hair stylists (who knows more about everything?), shoe salesmen, piano tuners and even a few restaurant patrons. One of my associates, Three Way Latrec, came up with about 40 reasons in less than 15 minutes; I think she's been eating with some of them gavel-grabbers. Her comments sounded like sincere, first-hand experience to me. So here are the facts, nothing but the facts:

Top Ten Reasons Why Legislators are Lousy Tippers

Once our creative juices got stimulated, we came up with dozens more reasons, but all this of course is not really true. Legislators don't pay for meals, lobbyists do. And most of them are very generous tippers. One lobbyist asked if "tips" weren't something that you gave to nosy journalists. Boo.

SINCE THE REBELLIOUS REPUBS will be dining in the state's capitol city, I thought I'd give you a list of muh current favs in the area around the Pepsi Center. Note that food at the Pepsi Center, other than the fasteries, is less than satisfactory. So take a short walk to one of the area eateries.

Buckhorn Exchange
1000 Osage St - 303/534-9505
Alligator tail anyone? You can get most any game imaginable: elk, buffalo, pheasant, Rocky Mountain oysters (some real swingin' meat), grilled duck breast and more, all served in a great room loaded with trophies. Beats the heck outta The Fort for game grub.

Capital Grille
1450 Larimer St, 303/539-2500
Opened last November to rave reviews (from moi and others) and packed crowds, call for reservs. Open for lunch and dinner, with complementary valet parking at both. The bugger sucks, but the rest of the menu is outstanding and there is no better service in town. If you ain't had the cold smoked lox, you ain't lived.

Denver Chop House
1735 19 St - 303/296-0800
Next to Coors Field, the joint is packed day and nite cuz the grub's as good as the service. And it's perty. Super munchies, great buggers, fab London Broil and other entrees. The portobello mushroom munchie and the onion rings are super.

Dixons Downtown Grill
1610 16 St - 303/573-6100
A sister eatery to the two great eateries: Goodfriends and Racines, sans parking. Food and service are similar. I luv the place. Try the Mexican fare or one of the dozens of munchies, sangies, salads, or entrees. Leave room for dessert. If short ribs are on the menu, go for em. And the buggers? Outstanding on the flat grill, but you gotta ask.

Fifteen-Fifteen Market Grille
1515 Market St - 303/571-0011
Gene Tang's finest venture into dining. This one has the critics applauding. The rack of lamb is killer and the Big Bugger is super. The extensive menu includes seafood, game, steaks, chicken and pasta. But the Kobe bugger got both my and John Lehndorff's Best Bugger award.

Il Fornaio Cucina Italiana
1631 Wazee St - 303/573-5050
The most gorgeous eatery in Denver also serves good food. The enticing menu offers pizza, pasta, and dinner entrees. The items that strike muh fancy are the bruschetta, calamaretti fritti, pollo toscano, and a 22-oz. bistecca alla fiorentina- Angus porterhouse steak. The Broomfield store sucks.

P.F. Chang
1415 15 St - 303/260-7222
The food is fabulous and service damn near. Every meal should start with a wrap and some ribs. I prefer the chicken wraps but all are yummy. After the ribs, after the wrap, I get the duck, often a double order. The room is gorgeous. Invite me.

McCormick's Fish House and more
1659 Wazee St - 303/825-1107
Great seafood as well as steaks, pasta, and a munchie list that goes on for days. Front Room is a gas; main dining room is gourmet at its best. They do a great Saturday and Sunday brunch. Service is top-notch. If it swims, it's on the menu.

Racine's
650 Sherman St - 303/595-0418
This is the brand new store with the same tele. But the old rules still apply. If you ain't been for breakfast, you ain't important. This is still where the "See And Be Seen" crowd meet. It's convenient, lotsa free parking, great food and service, and sapient prices. Best steak and eggs in town. The pistachio cake is 2-die-4. Lunch and dinners are great also. P.S. The new spot is drop-dead gorgeous. It ain't that far.

Tamayo
1400 Larimer St - 720/946-1433
Open to rave reviews by both the media and the public (now that's a rare event) this new eatery is serving fab Mexican fare, but not what you'd expect. This is the good stuff, gourmet grub. Even without founding chef Sean Yontz, the grub is great. The guacamole dip is 2-die-4.

Cya.