GUILT IS GOOD

"And now I lay me down to sleep. I pray the Lord my soul to take, if the tax-collector hasn't got it before I wake. - Ogden Nash

   DO YOU FEEL GUILTY when you cheat on your diet, or have an extra piece of chocolate? Does it bother you to have a slice of buttered toast in the am, or Heaven forbid a bagel with a shmear? Do you look around to see if someone you know is nearby when you stop at the Sabrett stand for a great dog, or at the ice cream cart for a cone? Do you feel the need to go to confession cuz you had a 16-oz rib-eye steak instead of the recommended 3-oz portion? Bah Humbug!  Many years ago an old college friend told me that I should die with a smile on my face and make sure the last check I write bounces. It was great advice then and it still makes sense today.

I am married to a woman who has never uttered the word, "recession". She is doing her fair share to show that her faith in the economy and the American Way. Not One Drop of Guilt. If I ask her what a certain purchase cost, she responds, "What's the difference? I wanted it." Spoken like a woman who diets because she thinks it might be fun...or has run out of room in our closets. Pay attention, now.

I have a deliteful doctor. He even has a sense of humor. I told him I was on the modified Atkins Diet: meat, salad and ice cream. A frown crossed his brow. "Well, if you're going to cheat, might as well eat the good stuff cuz that low fat crap has just as many carbs (and calories) as the good stuff." And I do eat only the good stuff. Dreyer's Dreamery or Blue Bunny.

Dr. Atkins sed you can have unlimited (as in all you want to eat) amounts of meat, eggs, and cheese. Limit the amounts of things like pasta, bread and fruit. So I modify that abit. I don't like plain cheese so I substitute ice cream for that. After all, they're both dairy, right?

The dude fell down and broke his crown and died. I think he was on the verge of adding ice cream to the diet as an alternative to cheese. I think so. It certainly makes sense to me.  I do cheat once in a while. Good bread. But it has to be really good bread. Ceptin for buggers. Have to have a bun with muh bugger.

Y'all remember that about 15 years ago beef consumption had declined drastically in the United States. Everyone was dieting. You had discarded butter, cream sauces, and desserts. Slim Fast was the fad of the decade. Nutritionists told us to eat 2 3-oz portions of meat a week. Can you imagine? Six ounces of meat every seven days? I was horrified.

I then took on the personal challenge of increasing national consumption of meat. And I mean all of it. Beef. Pork (the other RED meat), Poultry. Seafood. But mostly beef and pork. A two-pound bugger rib-eye was my dream meal. A half-pound bugger was a good appetizer, or maybe even dessert. But a pound bugger was better. I think I single-handedly increased beef consumption at least two points a year for several years. Now the rest of you are with me. Like the stupid Verizon commercial, "Join In".

As for this pork stuff. Let's put the matter to rest. Pork is NOT a white meat. in spite of what the Pork Council sez. It is RED MEAT. Getcha one of them fine pork tenderloins, marinate it in some white wine, Dijon mustard. fresh mushrooms. Toss it on the grill or better yet bake it partially wrapped in the oven for about 20 minutes to a perfect medium rare. Yes, I used the "rare" word. You will think you've died and gone to Heaven. Experts tell me that the last known case of trichinosis in commercial pork was over sixty years ago. That sucka will be so lean, healthy and delish you won't know the difference between that and beef tenderloin. It is so damn good! Don't feel guilty. It's now acceptable to devour that huge steak or that yummy turkey leg. Even dessert is good. If your doctor doesn't agree with you, fire him. Or her. Enjoy your food. Enjoy Life.

BUBBLE AND SQUEAK

Been eating some fab grub lately. Just lunched on a Pat-Astrami super size sub at Pat's Philly Steaks and Subs (7419 E. Iliff Ave, 303/873- 0907). Real hot pastrami, Swiss cheese, cole slaw and Russian dressing. Yo! G and I had great ribs at Z-Ribs (8590 W. Colfax Ave, 303/477-0111). If they can keep them in stock and consistent...also had some great ribs at Brickyard BBQ  (4243 W. 38 Ave, 303/561-4875. But then that place went downhill. The shredded pork was burnt and ultra fatty; the slaw was dry and tasteless. Then the ribs came dry. Not good. Had super lunch at Trinity Grille (1801 Broadway, 303/293-2288) where crab cakes reign king and the best green chili in town is still served daily. Pigged out at The Palm (in the downtown Westin Hotel, 1201 16th St, 303/825-7256) where you ain't lived ‘til you've had Joey’s Backyard Chili followed by a monster steak salad. The rest of the grub suffers from CCCD (Cook Can't Cook Disease). Had yummy Sunday brunch with G and the Cuda at Mimi's Cafe  (14265 W. Colfax Ave, 303/384-9350).

Marc's Restaurant (6920 West 38 Ave, 303/422-6600) has been closed for a while...sez they're remodeling. It's been under new ownership for awhile since it had been sinking for several years. Who knows what's happening? Pesce Fresco (6600 S. Quebec St, 303/290-9705) has been closed for lunch, ever since Mr. GOP and I tried to go there for lunch... Great new lunch and dinner menu at Assignments  (675 S. Broadway, 303/778-6625), Colorado's favorite gourmet dining and teaching eatery. They're open six days for lunch and dinner.  Reservs suggested. 

Keys On The Green (29614 Upper Bear Creek, 303/674-4095) has changed ownership and new menus abound. Lots of remodeling and cleaning going on...hear tell the grub's great at the Hickory House (11473 N. Highway 73, 303/841-0539). Old timers will remember it as the Parker Steak House...hear great things about the Odyssey Grill (2779 S. Parker Rd, 303/751-2131), serving Middle Eastern cuisine with prices sooo looo.

   HAVE YOU TRIED the catfish or BBQ at Okoboji Inn (5280 West 25 Ave, 303/723-9599)? Or the chocolate velvet mousse at Bruno's Italian Bistro (2223 S. Monaco Pkwy, 303/757- 4500?  Howsabout the meatloaf or bread pudding at Jus Cookin's Restaurant (10600 E. Iliff Ave, 303/696-6789), Whatabout a bugger at Outback Steakhouse (8601 W. Cross Drive, 303/932-0315). But tell the cook you want it "3+3" for a perfect medium rare. You could have the best cheesecake in America with the 2-die- 4 housemade chocolate sauce. Tell 'em The Fox sentcha.

   Cya.