HORSE DEAUVVERS

"Seeing is deceiving. It's eating that's believing." - James Thurber

SINCE I'VE BEEN IN HIDING the last few months I thought I'd bring you up to date on the numerous changes in the dining scene in metro Denver.

OPENINGS. Larry Herz, owner of many eateries but none real good so far, has opened Indigo in the space vacated by Papillon (250 Steele St, 303/996-9966). He has brought in the young but extremely talented Ian Kleinmann to run the kitchen. If Larry lets Ian do his thing (which I doubt) then this will be a maavelous restaurant. Chef Eric Roeder has opened Bistro Vendome in the space vacated by Little Russian Cafe (1424 Larimer Street). It will be a French brasserie serving all meals daily. Blue Moon has opened in Lakewood behind Hooters. I am told the yummy "sliders" (mini-buggers) are served by lovely ladies who don't wear orange. Yeah! Aquarela Restaurante, which opened in January in Cherry Creek with raves about their French Brazilian fare. (3000 E. 1st Ave, 303/399-6080) is now doing lunch. Pricey but yummy. Perhaps too pricey. In the new Luna Hotel (1612 Wazee St, 303/572-3300) will be a hot coffee shop called Velocity. Get it? hot + coffee? Oh, well. Little humor there.

The soon to-be-hot Luca d'Italia has opened (711 Grant St 303/832-6600), right around the corner from its sister eatery Mizuna (225 E. 7 Ave, 303/832-4778). The latter eatery is perhaps Denver's finest eatery today. Sam's No. 3 has opened Sam's No.2? At 1500 Curtis Street, kinda near where Sam's No. 1 usta be located. Or is the new place No, 4? I don't know, just know the grub will be good. Sullivan's Steak House (1745 Wazee St, 303/295-2664) is now serving lunch. No one there seems to know the size of the bugger, but it's good. New at Cherry Creek Mall, the Bestest mall in town, besides some great fashion stores (don't tell G), now in the food court is Subway and Johnny Rocket's. Finally, the long-awaited arrival of Brewery Bar III has finally occurred at 9051 E. Maximus Drive (303/708- 9333) in Lone Tree. What is affectionately known as Park Ghetto.

CLOSINGS of which there are many; some you may even care are gone. Citrus (at Union Station) which opened in '01 to raves is closed. The Parlour Bar and Grill that re-opened under new ownership a few months ago to moans about the food and service at 846 Broadway, has already bit the dust. Sayonara. On the sad but true list is the closing of Roy's, the phenomenal Cherry Creek eatery that served ultra-fine fare for three years. The reason for its closing has not been disclosed by the parent corporation.

Marc's Restaurant (6920 West 38 Ave) is apparently gone for good. Bye. Won't miss you. But Valente's, the original family eatery across the street at 6995 W. 38 Ave 303/421- 5115) is back open at lunch and doing very well. I luv the place.

RANTINGS AND RAVINGS. First, my old bud Super Chef Sean Farley has left Strings again. Owner Noel Cunningham is back in the kitchen.

Question. If a restaurant opens and closes within the same Fox Reporting Period, do I put it under "openings" or "closings" or both? So I put it here. The folks who own Emil-Lene's (16000 Smith Rd, 303/366-6674) what usta be (and has not for a long time) a great steakarie, has purchased Bistro Adde Brewster (250 Steele St) and re-named it Bistro 250. John Lehndorff in the Rocky Mountain News reports they are considering closing it. Sounds like good planning. No wonder Emil-Lene's has gone downhill.

It's been reported that Cielo (1109 Lincoln St, 303/597-2435 is soon to be opening. This from the folks who own Lime (1424 Larimer St, 303/893- 5463). Cielo is located where the Denver Buffalo Company used to roam and has been "opening" since last summer. I don't think it will EVER open.

Speaking of muh good bud, John Lehndorff, I guess some dude who manages a Chili's Restaurant took after John about comments in the Rocky concerning Chili's ribs. The dude concluded that they (Chili's) are a "dynamic and successful restaurant". Well, I won't eat there. They usta cook a great bugger, albeit it came in a basket where you had to get quite messy. But now they only cook buggers well done. As in deadly burnt. Ugh.

They are also the folks who rip you off Big Time when you buy a Chili's gift card and don't use it for a while. I mean where you pay them money and they use your money, and every month they keep a portion of it as a "service fee" and screw you. Nice folks. Let 'em call me. NEVER NEVER NEVER buy a gift card from anyone unless you know it will not expire or ever have a fee taken out, It's your money, and these rip-off persons earn interest on it and then you loose it, Some places, like that health salon at the Oxford Hotel, puts an expiration date on your GIFT CERTIFICATE. Yes, the one that you paid $$ for. But if the recipient don't redeem it within a year, shame on you, you loose your money. And I'm talking mega hundreds of dollars gift cards. They are a Giant Rip-off. Oughta be a law against it, doncha think? But in the meantime send us (rumpgap at aol.com) a list of those who won't honor gift cards in full at all times, and we'll publish their bad names here.

I LUV the Boettcher Bistro, a fab all-you-can-eat buffet at the DCPA. The last two visits were super prime rib feasts and lots of other great grub with super service, great ambiance. Chef Danny does a maavelous job with all the entrees and the fab desserts. They are now open Tuesday thru Sunday evenings. The low price includes the gratuity, altho someone there really doesn't want you know. Cuz it's not printed on your ticket, so how would you know? And that ticks me off just a mite. A real mite.

FOR DINING IN AN ITALIAN EATERY

"Grazie, ma ho gia avuto una torta al sangue per prima colazione."
Thank you, but I had blood pudding for breakfast.

"La lepre piemontese mi risulta un po pesante."
The rabbit smothered in bitter chocolate sounds a bit heavy.

"Sono raccoite daile suore cieche della Toscana.
They were hand-picked by the Blind Nuns of Tuscany.

And finally, "Forse puo spedirmi il conto."
Perhaps you could mail me your bill.

Cya.